so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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