hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
