You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
