so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
