you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
