I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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