cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
