After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
