Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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