Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Randomize
