Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
