We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
