I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
