Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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