I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
