He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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