It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I got inside last night via doggy door
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize