I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
