That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
