I cannot find my penis.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
