Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
