I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
