You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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