I puked a lego.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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