Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize