Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
