I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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