oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Of course I have a pirate flag
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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