let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
