i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
