i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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