My hand turned me down
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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