Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i think my mom watched the whole time
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize