Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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