What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
