The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
