she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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