I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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