just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
