Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
