Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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