he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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