My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
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