i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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