I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
