I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
