Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
