can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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