Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
