Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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