Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Enjoy the penises
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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