I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize