What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
