We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
