I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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