my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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