My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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