...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize