My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
