Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize