How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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