My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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