The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize