I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
