ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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