I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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