Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize