shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
