In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Did we literally take a cab across the street
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
