My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
