Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
