I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
My bed is full of blood and feathers
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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