last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
