just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
