You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
