Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
