I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
