Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
