he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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