We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
