Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
