everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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