How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
